WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE THINK

We are Brian and Shelly; birth, foster, adoptive parents. We have tried just about every technique, style, kind of parenting trick, path, adventure there is to try. Through our own mistakes and milestones we've come to the realization that nothing works better than consistency.

My grandmother said it best. "Talk to the children instead of spanking them. You'll get farther, quicker."

She knew her stuff.

She was married at the age of thirteen. She had her first child about a year after her wedding night. She gave birth to a child every other year until she was 42 years old. The year grandpa passed away from heart failure, (no that's not a joke) she still had one child "on the breast" and thought she had another one on the way. The latter proved to be untrue.

Grandma had helped deliver quite a few babies before she was married. She delivered a few of her siblings as well as other babies in her small town. By the time she was 13 years old she had experienced much of what life had to offer. She was mature and ready to begin her adult life. She was the sweetest, softest spoken woman I've ever known. She was also the strongest.

She worked in the fields, raised her children, cooked 3 large meals a day, washed clothes on a washboard and always fed the family before she would put a morsel on her own plate. The men ate first, then the children and women, then after all had "filled up," she would eat. Grandma often said that "the pickin's were the best part of the meal." I suppose I would think so too if that were where my meals came from.

Brian's mother was married at the age of fourteen. By her 25th birthday she had 5 children. She was raised in a Catholic orphanage much of her life. Her mother had committed suicide when she was only 6 years old. Her father came to visit her in the orphanage on Sunday's. When she finally came "home" to a new step-mother she was a teenager. It didn't take long for her to get pregnant and married just to get out of the house...so I believe. She was divorced in her 30's.

Brian and I have learned from other people's lives. We stepped back, looked at the lives of people we respect...and people we do not....and decided that we would raise our children accordingly. We believe that too much "want" and too little "adversity" makes for a weak character. We hope to give our children a pretty good dose of both so that they can find their strengths, wants, needs and character before they are adults.

Grandma was raised with much fun and playing around but also with much love, responsibility and grit. We hope to instill all of that into our children by spoiling them with their heart's desires and requiring chores and milestones to be met along their path while they are still at home.

We teach them to cook, clean, mow, organize, write essays, read and math through Algebra. We expect that they will finish an associate degree before they leave our home and would be thrilled if they found the love of their life and were married by their 21st birthday.

Brian and I were married young. He graduated from High School June 3rd and we were married June 30th. I had turned 20 just six weeks before our wedding. We had known each other 11 months.

My parents went on their first date just 3 months before their wedding. Mom was 18 and dad was 25 when they wed.

When you know, you know.

Skipping to the point: It's easier to "grow together" when the people are still building their ideals rather than try to blend two lifestyles after each is practically set in stone.

The young, fresh, first loves....Last! We hope for that kind of lasting love for our boys.

We are raising adults, not children. They will be "out there" much longer than they are under our roof. We hope to give them as many chances to mess up and make mistakes while they are young so that they don't when they are adults.